"Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is well hidden. If you are uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then you are not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens." Osho (Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships)
I have remnants and sometimes blocks of anxiety throughout my body that I am continuing to release. I have a trauma response that comes (increasingly less and less and increasingly less severe) to take me back through emotional flashbacks of times when I couldn't resolve the situation or escape. It wisely does this to heal, once and for all. But in the moment, and before I knew what it was or how to manage it, it made me look at everything with a dark black or white lens that told me that everything I thought was good or true is not. It is all a legacy of past experiences and trauma.
Finding Shamanic Healing was my first game-changer in getting to the roots of issues on all levels of my being (physical, emotional, mental and spiritual) rather than just my mind, clearing lifetimes worth of back-logs and helping me to trade in my anxiety and past traumas with self-trust instead. I stopped talking therapy after finding this. I have been healed and taught by two amazing Shamanic Healers - Jay and Kestrel Oakwood at The Bridget Healing Centre in Glastonbury - who have certified me to offer Shamanic Healing myself. Their course THE CALL OF THE SHAMAN was an incredible one year journey connecting us deeply into nature as well as ourselves. They have even been asked to privately teach the course to Russell Brand and his partner. After one session of this I was convinced of it's phenomenal power for facilitating healing and transformation on a deep level. It unblocks, gets to the root of patterns, balances, connects us in with our life purpose and retrieves our hidden treasures and parts of us that we lose during big or small traumas.
Talking therapy is a great in road and uncovers wounding but unless the rest of the levels of the body are involved it never reaches a place of total integration and wholeness. Support can be essential, in finding our way back to ourselves so that we can then support ourselves. Masters are useful - in helping us guide us to our own mastery. And having trust reflected at us when we are struggling ourselves to trust, amongst all of our anxieties and dysfunctional patterns is a great gift.
I have found that when we can find truth we can find trust and we can find love...
It has only been through my openness to share and trust and look lovingly at my anxieties through the working meditation of awareness that I have been able to dis-armour my anxiety and work through it so that I can build trust instead. So that I can create healthy responses and find support in the moment to find my way back to balance and centre.
It isn't easy to release the past or anxiety and it can take a long time to shift it but from the very first moment of awareness of it it loses it's level of power and grip, and things are never the same again.
Always feeling like we are needing to heal takes a psychological toll on our ability to accept ourselves where we are and although it is an ongoing journey it is vital to find a sense, even if initially faint, of wholeness within along the way that we can return to and expand and tools that we can use ourselves, as we go; so that we take back the power of our lives, get on with celebrating them and integrate our tools easily into life so that we aren't on 'hold' instead.
The everlasting transformation journey can take us out of the moment and we can be addicted to the struggle. We need to remove the crap but ultimately we need to be in connection with our true selves. We don't need to work from issue to issue to issue and remain in a constant process without simultaneously experience life in the moment. When we have removed baggage and wounding from the past enough to reveal, connect with and live from our true selves we can navigate issues as they arise, much more easily.
One simple and self-empowering tool that I have been using to release my anxieties, past experiences and survival strategies is TRE (Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises). It is based on the premise of involving our body in healing, rather than just our minds. In TRE we don't need to understand, analyse or work through in detail past events - we let the body release what it is holding in the wise way that animals do in the wild, but which we have been conditioned not to do in our human lives (and hold it in instead). After wild animals have been through traumatic experiences they shake off the trauma. We often freeze it inside of ourselves where it builds up throughout our muscles and beyond, carrying the imprint of the past and trying to release this in opportune moments in which we often don't how to deal with it, where we then get overwhelmed.
It is an amazing tool to have in our toolbox because once we have learnt it, which can be done in a supported environment, we can use it ourselves regularly and as needed, without cost; to keep up the process of release and prevent the build-up of more traumas and anxieties going forward. It opens the body and let's it release what longed to be released when it happened. It helps us to live life from a more relaxed place with much more resilience. It releases the past and then can be used 'on-the-go' to maintain a free future.
Being seen and supported by others who have been able to see beyond my own anxieties and limiting beliefs, uncover patterns and wounding and trust in me and my power and purpose has greatly facilitated my own self-trust. But this was only possible by me being open about my struggles and committing to getting past them from a place of openness and courage in the first place. This vulnerability and commitment brings great and true rewards.
Right now, it is beautiful that we no longer trust in our politicians - how unwise that we ever did - now perhaps we can start trusting ourselves; by becoming aware of everything that stands in the way of the truth, love and wholeness within our own selves - our shadows, limiting beliefs and anxieties that are reflected in the world around us. We can take the journey of releasing these so that we can free-up and trust in our own free futures and build a better one together.
We can change our experiences of what we have experienced and the way we experience life going forward.
Let's open and release in a safe, contained way and not close and hold in any more toxicity. The repressive past has shown us enough.
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