Sadness and grief are intelligent. They want us to honour our losses, like they deserve. They can be unbearable or small.
They want us to lean in, go deep and find the root so that we can feel and release it or act on it if something can be done to change the cause of it, get support if it is something we are lacking... or grieve something fully; so that we have more space in our heart for love and to move forward. They might alert us to some unmet needs that we have - so that we can start to meet these and build greater and truer resilience within ourselves. They might show us, if from disappointment, that we need to find another way. It might show us that a way of being, living or relating that we are engaged in is not serving us and that we need to change course. We need to investigate the possibilities.
We need courage in embracing the pain of our sadness and grief so that we can transform them without bypassing them. I have realised that being 'strong' does not mean overcoming by ignoring things - it means facing them. The only way is through. We have to be courageous in facing and feeling and moving our pain. If we don't then it weighs us down and we cannot be free. Grief and sadness collect in our heart and chest area. Amazing coach Swati*, at Swati Jr* Jyotish Astrology, has taught me alot about grief and the importance of dealing with it more fully along my journey and I have implemented grief rituals into my life to process, honour and release it.
My sadness has shone a light on places that need attention time and time again, when I have let it. It has enabled me to start meeting longstanding needs that I had inside of me, for the first time, and encouraged me to find new ways to meet them. I have found more resilience as a result.
On just one occasion, for example, when I felt particularly sad and lonely and I let myself feel it all rather than distracting myself or pushing it away I gave my sadness a voice. It said it wanted to be held. This was part of my journey in learning that I needed holding from my inner masculine, so that it could also be mirrored outside. If needs aren't met they don't go away. And I have found that if we carry around a load of unmet needs with us all of the time then we cannot truly love others from a strong place where our love overflows to them because we might be looking to them instead to just fill our unmet needs or even to be needed, ourselves. It can be the case that we need to be loved and so we love others instead of ourselves, for example, to receive the love that we need from ourselves.
When we feel and face our pain and grief, with the right outside honouring and support that we need from others when appropriate, then we can know ourselves more deeply, meet our own needs better and clear and create space in our heart; from which we can create and love. If we don't complete the process and 'process' our grief and sadness then we can remain in the past, with our future resultantly unfree. The effects of this can manifest on all levels of our being:
"When grief has been too long buried in our bones, brittle as an untold story, it may come to life in the world around us. It may express itself in injury, accidents, or conflict. By exposing the grief, fears and anxiety to a trusted other, we are actually allowing it to commingle with new viewpoints, inducing change rather than remaining in stasis. Vicariously, we are also offering a validation towards what is hidden in the other, that they may also brave it into view. How else can you be recognised unless you allow yourself to be seen? Can you risk being loved as you are, without the protections of distance? Can you surrender your control in order that you might become influenced, mixed with, and impressed upon? There is a genius that can only be found in this coming together. The kaleidoscope of ideas that can only be constellated in the combined mentorship of the circle. As we bring our perspectives into conversation with one another, we challenge their validity. As we bring our hidden pieces into the light, we can see more clearly what doesn’t hold up to truth, and what really wants to be exalted." (Dreamwork with Toko-pa).
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